Saturday, April 25, 2009

God in my life

Now recently I had a comment from someone on the post I did called Why, this comment was anonymous and it said that a 5 months this baby boy was taken from his family by SMA. The person commenting on my post said that they no longer believe in a higher power because of it. This is sad to me. I just want everyone who reads this to know I am just being honest with how I feel about this whole thing. Raw emotion and my daily life. Some days are better than others and some days I just need to vent. I believe God is very real in all of our lives and especially in mine. I have a beautiful son. Yes he is very sick but God trusted me to be his mother, to give him the most love he could receive in his short life time. I have been entrusted with this beautiful, strong, smart boy that has made my life better. They are so right when they say good things come in small packages. I laugh when he laughs, I can comfort him when he cries and when he needs something he trusts me to fulfill his basic needs. I may not be able to do these things in the "normal" way but I still do these things. I have gotten to know my son better than anyone. Anyone except God.

Now don't get me wrong I am not happy that my son is sick, I don't understand why my son had to be sick but I trust God and I know He has a plan in this. I may not think it is fair or easy or even agree with the outcome but I know that God loves me and my family more than I love them and therefore I trust Him. I have moments and days where I question every aspect of my sons life and what did I do wrong and Why and how come and every question you can think of. That is just my nature. Every day that my son is here and comfortable, every smile, every giggle, every time he rolls his eyes at me I am grateful that I have this child. My son has changed the lives of so many people in this world just because he is who God made him. He has taught lessons like not taking for granted the time you have with your loved ones, good health, beautiful babies and parenthood in general. My life is not by any means easy but it is my "normal" and I am okay with that. I expect God to make all of this right in the end. Now that may not be right in my eyes but it will be right and fair and just by God's standards.

I pray for this individual who wrote me and told me that they have lost faith because of SMA, I pray that you will no longer let doubt in God rule your life. God allowed Satan to take everything away from Job and kill his family and loved ones. By the end of Job's story God had blessed him 3 fold. Job had more love, food, and things that he ever though he could have. Please have faith and trust God. He hurts when we hurt and He wants to help us through these things. It may not ever seem like it will get better but He promises it will. I don't want my son to die but because we thought we were going to loose him in the hospital in December my husband and I take comfort in the fact that he will never have been lied to, cheated, led on, led astray, had his heart broken or been let down. I love God for that. Take this for what ever you will it is just my heart. I don't even know if all of this makes any sense!


Anonymous said...

Makes great sense Chels : ) Great job. It's not easy, to say the least, and you do a wonderful job putting your feelings down - the good, the bad and the ugly. And i appreciate your candor. Much love, Teeca

nessarichgirl said...

You are such a blessing...your witness will continue to touch so many. God's blessing and continued strength! Vanessa

Harrell said...

I love you! You have more wisdom and knowledge then you think you do. I have so much to learn from you and you are such an example of full and complete trust in God our Savior! I am doing a study on Hannah and there are moments that I think of you. Living your life knowing that you will one day have to give your son to the Lord. But enjoying every moment you have now. You will move mountains with this faith and you, Devo,Joe and Micah will change lives through this story!

Darren and Jody said...

I loved what you said! I believe that this was all in Heavenly Fathers plan. I know that we will be able to be with our children again and that gives me much comfort. When karson was first diagnosed we thought what did we do wrong but know we realize that its what did we do right. We are so lucky to have the oppourtunity to take care of such choice spirits.
Love Jody

Elizabeth said...

I just wanted to let you know that your words are beautiful and comforting to me right now. Tomorrow my husband and I are burying our 10 month old son Beau who passed away last week. I cannot lie and say I have never felt angry at God throughout this horrific situation, but I do trust that He knew what was best for Beau. I have never, ever felt so sure that someone who I have lost is in a better place. You are such an inspiration. If you ever want to talk or email please feel free. Our story can be found at this link if you are interested.
Love Elizabeth xoxoxo

Elizabeth said...

Such beautiful and comforting words. Thank you. Tomorrow my husband and I are burying our 10 month old son Beau who passed away last week from SMA type 1. I just want you to know that you are an inspiration and I think you should be very proud of what you are doing. If you ever feel like talking or emailing someone who understands please feel free to contact me.
Here is a link to our story if you are interested.
Love and understanding,

Elizabeth (again) said...

Ooops! Sorry about the extra message! Thought the first one didn't go through. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Your strength and wisdom continues to amaze me! You are such a blessing to me and such an amazing witness to others. You have touched more lives than you'll ever know, and I thank God for a sister like you!

Anonymous said...

Your honest, raw, human heart poured out in this posting brings God so much glory. I am continually amazed at who He is when I see him shining through you and your family. Your strength and humilty as Micah's mom can only come from Him and it's amazing. Cristin is right, I have so much to learn from you. I'm truly grateful for your friendship and the grace and mercy our Father shows us each day. I love you!


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