God in my life

Now recently I had a comment from someone on the post I did called Why, this comment was anonymous and it said that a 5 months this baby boy was taken from his family by SMA. The person commenting on my post said that they no longer believe in a higher power because of it. This is sad to me. I just want everyone who reads this to know I am just being honest with how I feel about this whole thing. Raw emotion and my daily life. Some days are better than others and some days I just need to vent. I believe God is very real in all of our lives and especially in mine. I have a beautiful son. Yes he is very sick but God trusted me to be his mother, to give him the most love he could receive in his short life time. I have been entrusted with this beautiful, strong, smart boy that has made my life better. They are so right when they say good things come in small packages. I laugh when he laughs, I can comfort him when he cries and when he needs something he trusts me to fulfill his basic needs. I may not be able to do these things in the "normal" way but I still do these things. I have gotten to know my son better than anyone. Anyone except God.

Now don't get me wrong I am not happy that my son is sick, I don't understand why my son had to be sick but I trust God and I know He has a plan in this. I may not think it is fair or easy or even agree with the outcome but I know that God loves me and my family more than I love them and therefore I trust Him. I have moments and days where I question every aspect of my sons life and what did I do wrong and Why and how come and every question you can think of. That is just my nature. Every day that my son is here and comfortable, every smile, every giggle, every time he rolls his eyes at me I am grateful that I have this child. My son has changed the lives of so many people in this world just because he is who God made him. He has taught lessons like not taking for granted the time you have with your loved ones, good health, beautiful babies and parenthood in general. My life is not by any means easy but it is my "normal" and I am okay with that. I expect God to make all of this right in the end. Now that may not be right in my eyes but it will be right and fair and just by God's standards.

I pray for this individual who wrote me and told me that they have lost faith because of SMA, I pray that you will no longer let doubt in God rule your life. God allowed Satan to take everything away from Job and kill his family and loved ones. By the end of Job's story God had blessed him 3 fold. Job had more love, food, and things that he ever though he could have. Please have faith and trust God. He hurts when we hurt and He wants to help us through these things. It may not ever seem like it will get better but He promises it will. I don't want my son to die but because we thought we were going to loose him in the hospital in December my husband and I take comfort in the fact that he will never have been lied to, cheated, led on, led astray, had his heart broken or been let down. I love God for that. Take this for what ever you will it is just my heart. I don't even know if all of this makes any sense!